Ringling
by catherinedoncaster1995
Summary: set three months after Jacob, A Pregnant Marlena and their animals arrive at Ringling. They soon disscover just how hard it will be a circus family, and Jacob struggles internally not to become like August
1. Car 48

"Jacob?"

I groaned quietly, rubbing my eyes and fighting the urge not to tell the smooth voice very politely to get lost. I was trying to sleep, and the prospect of having to get up now and look after animals who quite frankly couldn't give a toss, wasn't very appealing.

"Jacob Jankowski you get up now."

The voice was sharper now, and a rhythmic slap was occurring on my arm every couple of seconds. I sighed and blinked a couple of times into the face of my very displeased wife, who was sat with her arms folded, glaring at me murderously. I sat up further, ignoring the bruise I could feel starting to form on my right bicep.

"Marlena?" I croaked, "What's wrong?"

She folded her arms over her chest and glared at me. I sighed and glanced around when I realised how quiet it was, and just how dark it was outside.

"Jesus Christ why'd you wake me up now?" I groaned and slumped back onto the mattress. She continued to glare at me as through I was missing something very obvious where she was sat beside me, the wring way in the bed with her legs crossed so she was facing me.

I was either too tired to thoroughly process what was going on, or she moved faster than I thought she could, because the next thing I knew, she was straddling my chest whilst hitting me all over.

I was very close to winded with the first punch she aimed at my chest.

"What are you doing?" I gasped whilst trying to gently prise her off of me before she hurt herself, or hurt me more than she had done.

"I'm tired and I can't sleep because it's so bloody hot." She shouted at me and I felt my eyes go wide with surprise as I caught her wrist about in inch from my face.

I kissed her wedding ring gently, looking at her calmly, although underneath I was trying not to laugh. I was very careful _not_ to laugh though; I knew that it wouldn't help my case for reasoning with my pregnant wife at all.

"So you attacking me for being able to sleep is helping you relax how?" I asked.

She let out a breath and her arms loosened and relaxed in my grip, although I didn't let them drop.

I leant up to kiss her gently, "I know its hard okay, but you need to try and get seem sleep, you're lucky I'm letting you work at all, you wouldn't be if it was up to me." I reminded her and she sighed, laying down next to me and resting her head on my chest, her arm over my waist.

"I know." She whispered. I kissed her hair and she rested my hand on her side in firm protection, a symbol that I would protect her, one I vowed to keep more than any other promise I had ever made in the rest of my life.

"Starkey says I'm alright to perform until the end of the month, and then I can make up the money helping the Monday man." Marlena said quietly.

I sighed, not sure I liked this idea much more than her riding Rosie around all day.

"I bet he did." I muttered, eyes focused on the ceiling of the carriage that was now our home. I shook my head, apparently being a Cornell vet with a pregnant wife, eleven horses and an elephant, as well as greying dog and a chimp, rated quiet high on Albert Starkey, the Ringling Circus owners list.

It became apparent that the nickname Starkey wasn't all as friendly as it first sounded. His workers and employees labelled him that for his apparent scare way of handing out money on pay day.

I didn't like this circus owner any more than I had liked Uncle Al or... _him_.

The last time I thought about August was the day before yesterday, and then it was the day before that, and the day before that. I thought about him nearly every day, every time I returned to our car, number forty eight no less.

It was more or less the same as his and Marlena's had been, although _I_ had to entertain to idea of letting Queenie sleep on the foot of our bed, and Idea I quickly grew used to, more tolerant than happy about.

She kept Marlena company most days. I had made it crystal clear when we first arrived at Ringling three months ago that my wife was not to perform more than twice a day, although my preference was still with her riding Rose once in the evening and simply standing with the horses afterwards.

Marlena had liked this very little, but let me have my way, in my eyes; I was being more than generous.

Starkey had all but dismissed us when I reached the part in my speech about my wife expecting our child, although when it soon became apparent to him that I was a vet, owned the elephant, horses, chimp and dog, and was the only on the elephant listened to, he was more than prepared to be generous with the terms of my wife's contract.

When he also saw what Marlena and Rosie could do, under my watchful eye as always, he all but snatched my arm off when I signed the all important piece of paper, which I hadn't had to when I joined the Benzini bothers.

Marlena had taken my hand as we were shown to where we would be living from place to place. In all honesty I had been more than prepared to argue my point about getting my wife a proper bed to sleep in due to her condition, but when we were shown to our car, I had to keep my mouth shut, because really, aside from the number, I had nothing to complain about.

I looked down at Marlena, sleeping peacefully in m sighed, the bruise under her right eye all but gone. Keeping the secret from her was starting to weigh heavy on me, and although I knew she would ever cause any harm towards Rosie, I was more than sure the Elephant would sense if there was a change in my wife, and I couldn't risk anything like_ that_ happening.

I kissed her hair and relaxed back into the mattress, closing my eyes and smiling slightly.

Yes, I was sure that things were going to be okay.

I just had a feeling.


	2. One of those days

"It's very simply Starkey, you give him meat that _isn't _mouldy, and he won't keep being sick, and it won't spread to the other cats." I shouted as my boss walked out of the trailer shaking his head, as I shovelled more animal and crap and vomit from the large Black Panther's cage.

Simba, as he was ironically named was sat glaring at me form the other cage. I cursed and swore repeatedly as I stormed from the trailer, carrying a bucket of water in each hand as I all but threw them down on the floor, rolling up my shirt sleeve to expose the punctured skin of my bicep.

"Jacob!"

I looked up from where I was ripping my shirt sleeve and turning it tight around the pulsing wound to see my wife rushing towards me, her dress pinned against her in the wind, showing off her small bump.

I muttered another string of profanities as I tried to cover up my blood stained arm. I should have known it was too late though; she had her hands around my wrist, and was fighting not to cry.

"You promised me you'd be careful, how is this being careful?" She demanded.

I sighed and pulled my hand away, swallowing back a whimper when her fingers dragged over my wound.

"It's fine." I grunted and she looked up at me with wide eyes.

"What did Starkey say?" She demanded. I sighed and picked up the buckets of water before walking over the bumpy ground towards where Rosie was tethered by her car and ours.

"Not much." I commented as we rounded the corner towards the hulking great grey mammal.

Marlena rushed along beside me, holding her skirts and muttering profanities as we went.

My arm throbbed as I set the water down by Rosie, reaching up to stroke her trunk as she sniffed around me for any stray peanuts or candy I often snuck past Starkey for her if she'd been good. It was also a secret treat for her for being gentle with Marlena, but not one, not even my wife knew that.

"Jacob you really need to wash that, or go and see a Doctor, your arm could have been ripped off..." My wife cried and I sighed, turning to face her.

"Marlena." I said firmly and took her hands in my own, looking at her sternly. Rosie waved her trunk around me and I gave her a silent glare to tell her to stop it, she did almost immediately.

"Will you _stop_ worrying and go and relax, I don't care what you do, whether you go and sit with the horses, go and lay down, or even go and sew, I _don't_ _care_, I just need to get on with my work."

She gasped quietly and I froze, looking at her with wide eyes as her own filled with tears.

"Marlena..." I whispered ad went to touch her cheek when she smacked my hands away and I swallowed.

"You're really going to dismiss me like I'm some cheap whore here for you entertainment?" She demanded.

I sighed, "You _know_ that's not what I meant... it's just been a stressful day."

She looked at me with cold eyes, "it's been a stressful few _months_."

I frowned, "And what exactly is that supposed to mean?" I demanded.

"Nothing Jacob, absolutely _nothing_!" She shouted and I was more than aware of several pairs of eyes watching our martial display in front of an agitated elephant.

"We'll talk about it later." I said quietly but firmly, for the first time perhaps in our marriage taking over the role of husband authority absolutely and I think it both hit us then at exactly the same time just how much I was being careful not to tread on Augusts toes.

I never wanted anything less than to be like him, except for Marlena getting hurt, I never wanted that.

"Don't bother Jacob, go back to playing Help the Animals, see if I care." She snapped and ran back towards our trailer, the crowd that had gathered parting for her like the sea as she ran with her hand clamped over her mouth, and I could see it in their eyes that she was crying.

I swallowed, feeling hurt and at the same time mortified and betrayed that I had made her cry.

"What?" I snapped at the gathered men who were looking at me with wide eyes.

The muttering started but they went back to whatever it was they were doing, although this time they had a new topic of discussion.

I sighed and turned back to Rosie, her amber eyes looking at me in a perfect balance between anger and disappointment. However often I spoke to Rosie in Polish, I knew she understood mine and Marlena's _conversation_ in fluent English word for word.

"Rosie..." I trailed off and went to touch her trunk when she smacked my hand away with the tip of it, turning away from me and rumbling deeply as she stood with her back to me.

"Fine, gang up on me, someone around here will need my attention." I snapped and stormed away from her.

"Stupid elephant." I muttered taking another step.

There was a grumble and whoosh and I fell forwards as the back of my heed encountered the buckets I had left for Rosie to drink from.

I spun, rubbing the back of my head, tears in my eyes, never feeling more pathetic than I did then, with a wife who hated me, an elephant who hated me, a cut arm and possible fractured skull.

I stood glaring at the elephant. Rosie had since turned around and was sat looking at me, where I was stood nearly sopping wet, my arm bleeding, and face a mix of hurt and anger.

"Thanks Rosie... that was just what I needed, _dziękuję __słonia, bardzo dziękuję_." I snapped in Polish and continued on my way, her deafening roar followed me as I muttered curse words all the way to the menagerie.

I sunk to a crouch in front of Bobo's _cage_, where he had to be kept before and after shows, most of the time he was with me, but I wasn't in the mood to play parent today. I rubbed my forehead with both hands, muttering more words I dint want to really say out loud.

Soon I was going to have to play a parent every day, because I was going to be one.

I looked up when footsteps approached across the ground and hay towards me.

James, Starkey's very own personal one of a kind body guard, looked at me firmly.

To be honest I wasn't surprised when he told me that Starkey wanted to see me.

It was just turning into one of those days.


	3. Home

"Why the hell would he care what's going on in my marriage?" I muttered for at least the eight times as I scrubbed and mucked out all of my wife's horses. Most of then whinnied and snorted every time I went near them, and I was sure they could feel the tension and anger that was still rolling off of me in large torrents.

"It's not like anyone cares, no one cares bar me and her, and even then she just humours me so I can look after her." I was cursing and swearing all over the place, wiping the crap out of my eyes and trying to stop the faeces from joining the blood in the cut on my arm.

I gave one final dig with the shovel and then threw it down on the floor with a clatter casing the horses to neigh and rise up, before settling down.

I walked quietly up towards car number forty eight, pausing just outside the door. Should I knock? What if she was getting changed? It wasn't like I hadn't seen any of it before...

I swallowed and told myself to man up, before pushing open the door and walking inside.

She wasn't there. She was in the room at the back getting changed, I could hear her moving and singing quietly to herself, or maybe she was talking to our baby, she did that sometimes.

I swallowed and thought about making my presence known when I decided against it.

Yes, yes we would talk about what I said later, when the show was finished.

I did not want to argue about again now though, and cause her discomfort and worry while she was performing, the last thing I needed was Rosie to catch onto the mood and over react, causing another stampede, and even worse, I didn't want to be the next August, whichever part of his life and demise I picked.

I changed my shirt and trousers, moving quickly so as not to cause any tension if she came out quicker than I was expecting her to. I ached to see her in her pink sequins, which covered over her stomach perfectly, depending which way you looked at it.

I stood and heard her whisperer something quietly to herself. I swallowed and walked over to the table where we often took dinner if we weren't eating out under the stars with Rosie.

I unfolded a piece of paper that was laying there and grabbed a pen and wrote two words.

_I'm sorry_.

I folded it and placed it writing face up on the table cloth, pulling a rose from the vase that Marlena changed nearly every day and laying it by my writing.

I heard her approach the door and stood, sighing and whispering that I loved her towards her shadow, as I spilled from the car, at the same time she entered.

I crossed over the field towards the big top, catching sight of Marlena walking a few steps behind me. I sighed and kept my eyes forward, even though I ached to turn around and beg for her forgiveness.

But I kept my face forwards as we walked, together yet separately towards the menagerie, where Rosie was being set in her headdress. I walked over to the bull and she watched me with amber eyes as I reached, hand hovering an inch away from her face.

"_Mogę_?" I said quietly. A deep rumbling came from Rosie's throat and she bowed her head into my touch, letting me scratch between her eyes.

"Przykro mi, i nie sądzę, jesteś głup." I breathed and kissed the rough skin gently. Rosie let out a happy noise and pushed me with her muscled trunk, causing me to stumble to one side. She then wrapped it aroudn ym arm adn turned me to face my wife, he was looking up at me sadly.

I swallowed and went to open my mouth when I saw the white rose tucked in the strap of her dress, and the folded square print of a piece of paper showing through the fabric over her bust.

A small smile spread over my lips and she lush slightly, wrapping her arms around my waist and kissing me gently.

"I'm sorry." I whispered against her lips.

She rested her head back against my chest and let out a sigh, "I'm sorry to."

I sighed, "I don't have any right to make you feel like that though, or to speak to you like that..." I trailed off when she hushed me, taking my face in her hands.

"It's okay Jacob, you're not perfect, but your pretty close to it." She breathed and touched her lips to mine with the softest of touches.

"I just... I don't want to be like him." I whispered and she hushed me again.

"You are _nothing_ like August, and you never will be." She said firmly.

I swallowed and nodded, "I love you."

She beamed and stretched up to kiss me, "I love you to."

I smiled and swung her to the side in my arms causing her to giggle as her arms tightened around my neck. I kissed her hard and she giggled, lifting her feet up so I was holding her in my arms.

I bent my head to kiss her rounded stomach through the sequins.

"I love you as well, _Jacob Junior."_ I laughed when she swatted me playfully.

"No son of mine is being called Jacob Junior." She said firmly as I set her on the floor and I helped her let Rosie lift her onto her back.

"Good girl Rose." I whispered and stroked the elephant's trunk as Marlena scratched in-between her ears. The Elephant let out a happy rumble and tapped her foot patiently.

I smiled and dug into my pockets to produce the packet of peanuts I carried everywhere with me. I stroked her face as she ate them from my hand.

"I hope you're not going to spoil our children this badly." Marlena said from above me and my eyes snapped up towards her, voice going tight.

"Children?" I choked out and she laughed at me expression.

"Not all at once Jacob, but eventually yeh... I want us to be a big, _happy_ family." She stressed and a roar of clapping grew from the tent as I took my cue to lead Rosie forward where she would be handed over to Robert, the Ringling version of August, equestrian director or something.

"Well, one of them had better be called Jacob." I laughed.

She rolled her eyes and bent down to take my hand as I ran my thumb over her knuckles, stretching up to kiss her hand.

Rosie let out a rumble and swung her trunk around my legs and lifted me up so I could kiss my wife properly.

We both laughed and I rested my forehead against my wife's.

"I'll think about it." She whispered and I beamed, kissing her briefly before being set back on the floor by Rosie and standing watching from the gap in the tent as Robert led them in to parade around the crowd.

I leant against the canvas side and beamed, arms folded across my chest.

For this man, this was home.


	4. The August Within

I stood watching from the side as Marlena stood beside Rosie at the end of their act, scratching behind her ear as she took candy from children. Rosie, not Marlena.

A gentleman who quite clearly wasn't interested in the female _elephant_ stepped forwards. Marlena eyes flashed in warning to mine, but she was half a second to late, I was already straightening up.

Across the tent Robert and Starkey watched my advance towards the man who was slurring at my wife, trying to touch her in ways that made me very nearly see red.

"Come on baby..." He slurred and his hand hovered over her shoulder as my own hand came tight down on his wrist. My grip was like Iron and he looked up into my murderous expression, his comprehension marred by alcohol it seemed.

Marlena gasped quietly as my grip tightened and she whispered my name in quiet warning. It was lucky no one of the crowd had noticed what was growing on; Robert was keeping them focused on the elephant as Starkey took a step closer behind me.

"Come on son it was a joke." The dunk man in my grip chuckled and looked back at Marlena who looked pale, "Right daring?"

I pulled his wrist with a sharp movement so he was facing me, "Do you see me _laughing?"_

"Jacob." Starkey's voice was unmistakable with warning behind me, "Let James and his boys take care of it, come on shows over."

I swallowed and straightened up dropping the man's arm and turning back to Marlena, but on the rotation I saw my face in Rosie's water bucket, and the darkness in my eyes was only like one persons I had ever seen.

For a flash of a second, although I knew it was only in my brain for only me to see. For the briefest of flashes my face became Augusts, our eyes identical, the love for the same woman in both our face.

I let out a small noise that was somewhere between a growl and a sob, and turned to stride form the tent, well aware that Marlena was shouting and probably running after me.

Whether I was moving that quickly or whether it was her slippers over the hard ground that stopped her from catching up with me, I reached my destination before she did.

I grabbed hold of the nearest thing I found, which was a pile of big top pegs, and hurled them repeatedly against the side of car Forty Eight, _our_ car.

"Jacob, Jacob stop." Marlena said and rushed over to me, stopping my stream of profanities and wrapping her arms around my shoulders.

I stopped struggling, not wanting to hurt her. But as her skin touched mine, the fire in me died, and I all but drowned in self pity, sadness and fright.

I sunk to the floor, putting my head in my hands, trying so hard not to cry.

"I don't want to be like him." I whispered quietly.

She stroked the back of my head and cupped my other cheek, pulling it around so I had to look at her.

"Listen to me Jacob." She said firmly.

"No Marlena..." I tried to cut her off, knowing what she was going to say.

"No Jacob listen to me, _Listen to me_." She shouted when I shook my head and forced me to look at her. She swallowed and kissed my temple before resting her forehead against my own.

"Your nothing like him, okay you're not." She said.  
>I shook my head, "But what happened in there... with the man."<p>

She hushed me, "August could have killed him without blinking if he'd done it when he was alive."

"I wanted to." My voice was so quiet I could barely hear myself.

"And I want to kill you every time you fuss over me, and I want to kill Starkey more times than I can count but we _don't_, we _don't_ do it Jacob because we know it's _wrong_." She stressed.

She stroked my cheeks, "The difference between you and August is one that will never change. August had no idea who he was or what was right or wrong and _that_ was what made him dangerous." She swallowed and looked at me in a sad yet firm expression.

"You _know_ who you are Jacob." She whispered and smiled slightly, "_I_ know who you are."

I swallowed, "And who am I?"

"You're the man I fell in love with, the man I will always love, the best man I'll ever know... you're the father to my child, hopefully _children,_ and you're the only person to take care of me in a long time. I trust you more than anyone Jacob, and I love you." She whispered and kissed me gently.

I wanted to say a heroic speech back, to tell her that she had it all backwards, that it was_ her_ who was the best woman I would ever know, but I couldn't find my voice or get my brain to function.

I wrapped my arms around her and held her to my chest, feeling her warm breath against my neck.

"I love you to." I whispered.

I felt her smile against my chest, "Don't ever think you're like him, because you're not." She whispered.

"Okay." I whispered after a moment of pause.

She sat up and touched my cheek, "Let's go inside, I'm beat tired."

I stood and held her hand gently as she stood up, dusting off her clothes, resting her hands thoughtfully on her stomach as she looked down at it. I placed one of my hands over hers and rested the other on the small of her back as I kissed her temple.

"I haven't fussed over you properly today, you reminded me." I breathed and she sighed but smiled one the less.

"We don't want Jacob Junior inheriting your worry gene." She laughed and hooked her arm through mine as we walked towards our car.

I chuckled, "I told you you'd grow used to it."

She beamed and I glanced down at her, she was the most perfect thing in my life, and the best part of it was.

She was _mine_.


	5. Hate is a big word

"I hate being pregnant." Marlena mumbled for the fourth time since we had got up this morning. I knew she didn't mean it, not really, but had made the mistake to point this out to her twice, and had received the bruise to prove it.

In just over the three months we had been travelling with Ringling, I had thought over what we going to do once the baby came more than twice a day, and now that Marlena, however much she hated pregnancy, kept mentioning _children_, I was having to think through our future faster than I used to secretly read eight pagers under my cover at Cornell.

"I know." I sighed and wrapped my arm around her waist as we passed the menagerie, Bobo banged and screeched from the inside of his cage and I rolled my eyes, leading Marlena over to him and crouching down in front of me.

I winked and reached on top of the cage to produce his breakfast, which I knew he could no doubt smell. I pushed the banana though the slats and he yelped excitedly before tucking in.

I beamed and patted the cage affectionately, "There you go mate."

Marlena sighed and leant back into my side as we walked towards the cookhouse, me being greeted by the smell of perhaps the best meal of the day, my wife paling and looking like they were offering to feed her horse dung.

She stopped walking, "Jacob I can't go in there, I'll be sick." She said quietly.

I sighed and stroked her cheek, "you need to eat something, even if its just bread, it will make you feel better I promise."

She frowned, "You're not a doctor."

I rolled my eyes, "I just know these things, now come on, I'll let you ride Rosie for half an hour if you just try and eat something."

"Under your supervision?" She checked.

I just looked at her as though she was stating the most basic fact in the history of everything.

"Whoopee." Marlena muttered but a grin spread across her face.

I kissed her cheek, "That's my girl."

She re-took my hand and lead me, yes she lead _me_, into the Cookhouse tent. She didn't surprise me by telling me what she wanted, kissing my cheek and then sitting down, it had been that way for a few weeks, when I had first enforced the, _no standing for too long_ rule.

Yes it was true, I wasn't a doctor, but that didn't stop me worrying. I cared for her more than I had anything in my entire life, and I wasn't about to let her strain herself now.

I didn't want her doing anything dangerous at the best of times, let alone when she was four moths pregnant with our baby.

It was a conversation we seemed to have very day when we first arrived at Ringling, and the more we had it the more it seemed to grow to be more of an argument and anything else.

"You aren't getting on Rosie your pregnant." I would tell her firmly.

"I'll be careful, and she's so gentle..." My wife would trail off as I interrupted.

"She's a six tonne Bull she could hurt you without meaning to Marlena." I would tell her seriously.

Marlena would sigh, "I won't fall off Jacob, some trust please."

I glanced back at my wife where she was sat playing with her fingers waiting for me to get breakfast. I sighed and smiled at the woman behind the counter who served me and smiled.

"How's she doing this morning?" She asked.

I smiled and glanced at my wife, "she's okay."

The woman sighed and patted me on the shoulder before I carried our food over to my wife. I sat down facing her, at our own private table with the _upper class_ as Marlena called them.

At Ringling the workers sat out in the field eating, you only got a table if you were deemed important enough, there were that many people working here.

Marlena ended up sharing my breakfast with me and I smiled, pushing it towards her so she could finish. She smiled and ate while I dipped my bread in places to soak up the egg, whilst watching her fondly, not really knowing how to approach the topic.

She saved me by speaking first.

"Do you think there's a reason he or she hasn't started kicking yet?"

I frowned, "Why, does something feel wrong?"

"No its just... I'm over fourth months gone, I'm supposed to be feeling them move by now." She said quietly and looked down at her stomach.

I reached across the table to touch her cheek, "Do you want me to take you into town today, see a Doctor?"

She brushed it away, "No I'm sure its fine, I just... I just want to know they're really in there you know."

I was going to make a comment about being able to _see _them when I thought better of it.

So I changed the topic instead.

"I've been thinking alot about what we are going to do lately." I told her and her eyes snapped up.

"When the babies born... I mean we can't spend our whole lives on the circus, not if we're going to have four or five Jacob Juniors." I laughed and she smiled at me thoughtfully.

"You'd really do that... so we could have a family." She whispered.

I smiled and took both her hands in mine on the table, leaning closer, she did the same.

"The setting is irrelevant. I just want a house where we can grow old together and watch our kids grow up in, with some fields out back they can get into all kinds of scrapes in." I chuckled and she laughed.

"What about Rosie, and Queenie... The horses, Bobo?" She asked.

I smiled, "Naturally they would be _in_ the fields. I can see it now, the _Jankowski Petting Zoo_, not bad hey?" I asked and she smiled.

She touched her lips to mine and stood up, me watching her curiously as she did so.

"What's the matter, where are you going?" I demanded, and several people looked up, obviously assuming we were fighting again.

"I need a moment, and then I'll meet you by Rosie, we have to train after all." She said and kissed me before flitting back to our trailer.

I sighed and stood, walking with my hands in my pockets over to where Rosie was after collecting Bobo. He wrapped his arms around me as I carried him on my hip over towards my second favourite girl.

I patted Rosie's trunk as her and Bobo watched one another.

"You are two very lucky dumb animals you know that?" I laughed and Rosie hit me on the back of the head with her trunk, gently, but hard enough to cause me to move.

I rolled my eyes and patted in between her eyes, "Sorry Rose."


End file.
